Emotional Comfort
by MiLady Oakenshield
Summary: My revision of the turbo lift scene between Spock and Uhura. Tender loving goodness ensured. :-


**Author's Musings**

_I've seen people writing their versions of what happened in particular scenes from the movie, and this story is no different. I've been considering revising some scenes and writing some that didn't make it into the final cut. We will see how this goes. _

_This chapter is filled with yummy Spoura goodness ;-)_

_This is my version of the turbo lift scene between Spock and Uhura, with a little more emotion from Spock. Unusual right? Not as unheard of as some might think. Spock can be emotional when he wants to be, it's just hard for him to seek that when he has so much pressure weighting down on his shoulders. Hopefully this will allow people to see a different side to him, a side that very few people get to see._

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**Emotional Comfort**

_Written by BohemianDragQueen_

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Sitting in the captain's chair, Spock carefully contemplated what had just happened. He couldn't speak, only think. The shock he was enduring had rendered his vocal cords inoperable. He only stared into an endless silence. There was now this black hole consuming his heart, similar to the one that had consumed his home planet, and his mother along with it.

He replayed it over again, hoping each time would be different from the last, but they always ended the same. His mother was always just out of reach as the ground below her gave way. He muttered a Vulcan curse beneath his breath as he thought he could have done more. He could have gone after her. Chekov could have beamed them both back while he was plummeting towards the terra firm below his feet, grasping for his mother's body.

Spock felt like a failure. A complete and utter failure and he hated feeling this way. He hated how he had to watch the woman who gave him life, sang to him as a child, nursed him when he was sick, defended him when the others teased him for his heritage. That woman was gone. She was no more than a memory in his mind.

The half-Vulcan closed his eyes tightly. The ensign and lieutenant in front of him were muttering to themselves about which action to take next. He should have said something to him, but he didn't. He was trying hard to keep his tears behind his eyes. They were choking him. He wanted so badly to retreat into emotions and cry until there was not a drop of water left in his body. But he couldn't. He had a job to do. People were counting on him.

-Why- did people always have to count on him to pull them through? Why did -he- always have to be the responsible, logical one? Why couldn't he, for once, be like every other god damn human on earth and cry over the loss of a loved one? Spock never allowed others to see that side of him. The only one who ever did was Uhura. She was the only woman in his heart right now, while he struggled to hold onto the memory of his mother.

He couldn't stand the pressure anymore. Spock wanted so badly to scream and break down into a heap of sobs, without regards of who was watching him. He didn't care. He was hurt, and he doubted any of them could understand his pain. They may have lost a parent, but they didn't lose a home world. They didn't fail to save their mother who stood only inches from them. They didn't go through half of the shit that he did on a daily basis.

As Spock's eyelids slowly opened and his lashes beat against his brows, he felt his vision blur. Lifting a hand to his face, his fingers felt wet tears trickling down his smooth skin. _I can't let people see me like this. _Spock had to get out of here before people saw him. He rather not have people hugging him, giving him their deepest sympathies. He wouldn't be able to hold it together if they did. The next person who tried telling him how sorry they were this happened would most likely endure the half-Vulcan's heartbreak.

Spock decided that he needed to be alone for right now. He pushed himself from the captain's chair and turned sharply towards the turbo lift, purposely avoiding the gaze of anyone who was looking at him. They would see the tears in his eyes if he had looked at them, and he hated himself for crying. He couldn't control it, no matter how much he wanted to.

But Uhura had seen him. She saw the tears in his eyes. The corners of her lips pulled towards her jaw as she removed the listening device from her ear and set it down on the console in front of her. She too was on her feet and following him, though she didn't think he knew she was there. Two and a half years together, and she knew when his heart was breaking. She always knew when something was troubling him.

She managed to slip into the lift before the door closed, and Spock seemed rather surprised to see her there, though his face betrayed no emotion of that fact. _No. She cannot see me like this. I can't look like a weeping idiot in her eyes. She can't think I am weak because of this. Go back, Uhura. I do not wish you to see me like this. _Even if she had heard his thoughts, she wouldn't have listened. Spock knew her better than that. She was almost as stubborn as he was.

He reached out for the control panel and pressed the button for the fourth floor. His gaze returned to her just as quickly. Blank, clear, complete void of the tears from earlier. He was trying to avoid a conversation. Uhura wouldn't let him get off that easily. Reaching out, she thumbed the _Stop_ on the control panel. The lift came to a slow halt between floors, suspending the two lovers together in one, small space. There was silence between them for almost a minute. But in that minute, Uhura could hear his harsh, uncontrolled breathing. She needed to calm him, to look into his warm eyes and convince him that she was there for him.

"I'm sorry." The silence was broken by her comforting voice. "I'm sorry." She repeated, hoping he might say something to her, or perhaps tell her that her apologize was illogical. She was half expecting him to tell her there was no need for her to feel sorry. It wasn't her fault. But still, he said nothing. Uhura responded by lifting her hands to cup his face. "I'm so sorry."

She didn't hesitate another second. Uhura drew their bodies close together until her mouth possessed his lips. His first thought was to deny her, but he loved her, he -needed- her. Instead of pushing her away, Spock's eyelids fluttered closed again, his nostrils flaring with the sweet scent of vanilla and strawberries. Her lips trailed along the side of his face, along his jaw line, towards his ear. The temptation to take it in her mouth and suckle gently on it was almost too great for her to control. The one thing he always enjoyed was that.

Instead of suckling on his ear, Uhura wrapped her arms around him and pulled him towards her body. Her left hand lifted to the base of his ebony hair. Fingers enmeshed in the fine hairs, which brushed along her knuckles and tickled the tips of her nails. The other was placed against his shoulder. At first, he was motionless. He didn't move, just allowed Uhura to hold him against her warm body and run her fingers through his hair.

Spock thought many things that most would consider unnatural for someone of his standing, but he didn't want to take advantage of her like that. Tears moistened his dark eyes again. He didn't want to give into his desires, but he felt incredibly weak. His head bowed forward as his arms lifted to hold her against his body; one hand draped over her shoulder and the other clasped over her arm. His face buried itself in the crook of her neck.

Though unexpected, but not in the least bit surprised, Uhura's neck suddenly felt wet like she was in the shower and the water was cascading over her shoulders. But she realized that she wasn't in the shower. She was holding Spock against her and he was crying. Not only could she feel his hot tears against her skin, but his body shook as he cried. She held him tightly, continuing to run her fingers through his hair.

"Sh. I'm here. I'm here." Suddenly she felt like a mother comforting a frightened child. He had every reason for his tears, something that Uhura wouldn't deny him. They were alone anyway, so he had amble opportunity to release his emotions onto her. She only wished she could do more.

The vein in his neck pulsed against her jaw while his heart was beating against her chest. She held him as tightly as she could, allowing him to weep openly on her shoulder. It didn't even occur to her that people would ask why her shoulder was wet. Perhaps she should change before she returned to the bridge.

There were so many other ways she could comfort him right now, but there was still the mission at hand to worry about. She couldn't be dragging him back to her room and peeling his clothes off with her teeth. The thought was pushed to the back of her mind for now. Uhura need only to hold her lover in her arms and gently stroke his hair while he wept. She would not betray this rare display of emotion by telling anyone what she was seeing.

Though choking tears, Spock managed speech. "It's my fault." His voice was a low whisper, but enough for her to hear.

"What?" She seemed surprised by his words. Uhura gently lifted his head from her shoulder and gazed into his brown eyes, a look of sorrow on her face. "How is this your fault?"

"I-I could not save her. I wanted to. She was within reach. But I just…couldn't reach her. I should have done more than I had. I saw the fear in her eyes and I wanted to tell her that I was not leaving her. That I would never abandon her but…she was gone. I had considered going after her. I should have. Why did I not try to save her?"

His words were heartbreaking. "Spock, you did what you could. Your mother knows that. She would hate to see you like this. She wouldn't want you blaming yourself for what happened."

"What I could do was not enough. And I never told her just how much I loved her and appreciated her. She had taught me so much and yet…I had failed to show real -human- emotion towards her just as I had failed to save her life." He retreated into emotions, allowing himself to feel pain and anger. He allowed himself to take the blame for what happened.

Uhura leaned forward, coiling both arms around his neck, and pressed her lips against his. It wasn't his fault and she wanted him to see that, but he wouldn't listen to reason. He was abandoning the logic he was taught in favor of the tears running down his cheeks. The tears he couldn't stop even if he wanted to. He betrayed no further hesitation as he responded, quickly and efficiently in a fashion that suggested he had done so many times before.

If he could take her right then and there, he probably would have, but it would only be the quench his need for comfort and quell the agonizing thoughts pounding in his head. That wouldn't be right though. And he couldn't find it in his heart to do that to Uhura. She eventually pulled back though, for which he was glad.

Uhura lifted her hands and used her thumbs to brush the tears away from his face. He couldn't go back out there with those tears staining his pale skin. "What do you need? Tell me." She would give him anything at this point. Anything that would make him feel better.

_What I need?_ How could he respond to such a question from her? Emotions were telling him to stay there with her and keep holding her against his warm body but logic was telling him to walk away for now and continue his duties. His father would tell him to do the same.

He looked away for a moment, confused and bewildered. He forced himself to stop crying, knowing that was an illogical thing to do. He hadn't cried since he was a child, and he had no intention of continuing. Perhaps later, when he was alone and he didn't have to worry about Nero anymore. That bastard killed his mother. Spock wanted revenge. He reached out to the control panel and pressed a button for the lift to continue moving again, then he focused back on Uhura.

"I need everyone…" He paused, his breath choked on his tears, his heartbeat slowly returning to the normal pace for him. "…to continue performing admirably." Spock forced his tears back, trying to regain his sense of control. He had let himself go only because Uhura was there and he trusted her, with his life even. She was his life, his soul, his whole heart.

Uhura seemed somewhat heartbroken by this. "Okay." Her eyes were moist, but not because they weren't kissing anymore. They were moist because she was afraid this would create conflict with the mission still at hand. She didn't want him falling apart later on.

With her hands pressed against his face, he leaned in and kissed his lips. His response was instant. He never hesitated to show her all the passion and tenderness that she deserved. Uhura was a woman who should be loved and despite all odds, Spock was the right man for her. He had concluded this some time ago when they were still at the academy.

As the turbo lift came to a stop, Spock became aware of the closeness of her bodies. He took in that last smell of vanilla and strawberry before stepping back, creating some distance. Spock was able to gaze into her dark eyes one last time before the doors parted and he stepped out into the corridor. As the doors closed behind him, his thoughts briefly reflected on his conversation with Uhura. Maybe he needed to cry, to know that he at least had a shoulder to cry on. But all he knew was that he felt considerably better than before.

Uhura was not just a student or a lieutenant, she was his rock, his angel, his everything and he was completely in love with her.


End file.
